I built my world around volcanoes,

Knowingly and unafraid I did so,

Even then I underestimated the risks,

Now I can only watch as my world begins to unravel and fall apart,

I pray, beg, and plead to an absentee Goddess,

Oh spirit of this long dormant island,

Take pity upon this lonely, ship-wrecked soul,

I gasp for breath and cling to what flotsam I can find,

At the edge of my world I still float,

And and I can do naught but watch it end,

I understand now the consequences of faulty planning,

One can not build an island atop more than one volcano,

When one erupts, the other softly seethes,

And one can do naught but watch, or leave.

Fin

Three years ago I was carless, getting around town with a combination of bicycling, walking, and riding the bus.

I had been working at campus computer store for a year, and had just begun working a second job on weekends at a hotel.

I was taking a break from school, and paying back UH for the previous fall semester I attended, thinking I’d go back to school in the fall, but had given up scholarships, or financial assistance, and was unsure of what I wanted to major in, and doubted my ability to do the required coursework.

I was single, and mopy about it, but I had several platonic lady friends I texted, talked to on the phone, and IM’ed with on a regular basis.

My ex at the time and I had resumed being friends after she broke up with me by dropping off the face of the map five months previous.

Today I’m employed full time in just one job, which I’ve been at for close to 16 months, and becoming more confident in my abilities each day that passes.

I am single, after having been in a relationship that lasted 3 years, 2 of which aside from being long distance, I was taken advantage of, and had been lied to about her identity, and the last of which I behaved shamefully, and took advantage of her.

Despite being homeless, I have a car, and good friends who have allowed me the use of their floors, couches, and showers.

Emotionally, I feel I’m in a better place than I have been in the last 3 years that have transpired. I’m glad to be newly single, and I do have some psychological issues, but I will seek out help once I can afford it.

Financially I plan on recouping, and pay back my credit cards, and stay up to date on my car note.

Chocolate
Worship
The Dark
Together
Around
Goddesss
Beneath
Winter Fever
Give Long
Day
Vision
Flicker
Murmur Then
Class Never
Whisper
Fascinate
Thousand
Emotions
Luscious Flood
Scream Shake
Sweet
Honey Drunk
Delicate
Sleep
Education

At first it was a joke, just for fun,
Pursuit of the heretofore unpursued,
With virginal naivete it was easy to believe,
Sweet whispered I love you’s in the height of sensuality,
Who is this exotic dream who calls at 2 AM?
First one lie, then another,
Fooling the gullible is the easiest part,
The challenge lies in not believing it yourself,
It’s 1 AM and I’m breaking her heart,
Snowballing fabrications caught hold of our emotions,
Look at the momentum we’ve created,
The easier it became to create another fib,
the harder it became to reveal the truth,
False starts, stops, and intermissions,
Now it’s 2 AM and she’s crying in my ear,
“Don’t cry” she pleads, prompting a wave of tears,
She has been wearing a mask for so long,
“Will you tell me who you really are?”
“You’ll hate me, I swear”
An emotional tug of war.
It’s 3 AM and I’m parked in a Walmart lot,
It’s hard, yet relieving to know now,
Only the truth can set you free,
I wake up in a haze, as if I’m dreaming,
It all takes time to process and reconcile,
It’s 9 AM and the previous night floods back,
“Do you hate me yet?”
“I love you.”
Faces may change,
But emotions are real.

What a wonderful age to be,
How easily optimistic you could be,
How impressionable you seemed to be,
Nothing stood in the way of your conquests,

Light enters the bedroom,
Filtering through the blinds,
It radiates across,
As it has done through space,
It bounces off the walls,
Leaving behind shadows of itself,
Bouncing from one object to another,
Imprinting on everything in its path,
Affecting all, giving color of itself,
Selflessly this wave of radiation gives substance to all we see,

No one will read this post,
Drowned out amongst the noise and chaos
Countless automated posts will obscure my words
A secret hidden in plain sight,
Easily it can be unmasked.
Provided one bothers to read the scroll back,
But until then it will continue on,
Lost in the ether of automated confusion

Blinking cursor, what secrets do you wait to divulge?
—- is typing, —– has typed text, then nothing.
—— is typing, and it appears that way for a long minute,
It’s so easy to expect a long diatribe,

What defines a romantic relationship?
At what moment is it that two people fall in with each other?
How is it that people mutually, without a word,
How is it that they join hands, naturally, without hesitation,
Without trepidation look at each other,
And without saying a word agree?
It never ceases to amaze me,
The sidelong stare, the harmonious comfort,
How in the moment naught else matters,

Electrical impulses transmit,
An abstract idea slowly forms,
As emotions process it,
Slowly it takes upon a more concrete form,
And words are assigned to it,
Substitutions and reductions,
Expansions and revisions,
The idea becomes more real,
Neurons fire madly,
Swimming in a current of webbed nerve endings,
Synapses ignite, bridging gaps between,
Signal traveling through the spine,
Down a neural network maze,
A well travelled sinuous road,
Arriving at their destination,
Fingertips acting upon a pen,
Manipulating black encapsulated ink,
Air forcing it down towards rolling ball,
Leaving a trail as it acts upon paper,
Elegant script detailing words,
Then just as quickly,
Pen violates the last line,
Striking out a nascent phrase,
Before continuing on to rephrase,
Then striking through again,
Phrase begets strike begets phrase,
A vicious cycle of writer’s block,
My words could never do you justice,
My words could never touch the beauty that is you,
Could never capture your essence,
Words could never accurately describe those blissful moments,
Could never describe the feeling of your arm touching mine,
Could never describe the laughter we both let out in those intimate moments of mirth,
Your voice too beautiful to trap and reduce to words,
Describing the sweet amorous tone of your voice on the phone,
Or share the euphoric rush of hope felt in those moments,
No, my words pale in comparison to the things I long to express,
My diction, allusion, and metaphors could never stand up to your poetic expressions,
My words will never suffice to win you over like I hoped that they would,
Will never move or sway others the way I desire,
Will never leave the lasting impression of me I wish as my legacy,
Will never fully represent the broad spectrum of my emotions,
But I can do naught more than attempt ceaselessly in my labors,
With my pen I paint an imperfect portrait of a vision so divine,
I create a reality that fails to mirror your designs,
But I must continue to write the next line.